Quiet Strength – Do you have it?
“He’s the strong and quiet type” is a phrase we often hear. Perhaps it’s a Hollywood cliché; certainly many of the great old actors such as Gary Cooper and John Wayne demonstrated this characteristic in abundance through characters that would display power and resolve, never getting ruffled and never having too much to say about the subject.
As a personality trait quiet strength can be admirable, however we tend to associate it with introversion. In her book “The Introverted Leader” (Kahnweiler, 2009) the author describes how introverts “can feel excluded, overlooked, or misunderstood, their reticence mistaken for reluctance, arrogance, or even lack of intelligence”. It can, however, also be a sign of strength. She cites several leaders who are/were fundamentally introverts, including Warren Buffett and Bill Gates. These people, she said, developed ways to “thrive in a challenging environment”. She advises a four-part strategy for doing so:
- Preparation: create a game plan for situation that is likely to provoke anxiety
- Presence: now that you know you are prepared focus on now; the current moment or activity
- Push: Given the foundations you have established through preparation and presence, exceed your comfort zone
- Practice: practice again, and keep on practising
The point of all this isn’t to modify your personality change; rather it is making the best of who you are and leveraging your strengths. In many areas being an introvert can be advantageous; introverts tend to be much better at both listening and writing.
In their paper “The Quiet Ego Scale: Measuring the Compassionate Self-Identity” (Waymont, Bauer, & Sylaska, 2015) the authors equate the quiet ego with “a self-identity that transcends egoism and identifies with a less defensive, balanced stance toward the self and others”. They go on to develop a model that represents the themes of growth, balance, and a capacity for “compassionate thoughts, feelings and behaviour”.
Quiet Strength in Sport
We all know of athletes who display quiet strength. Tony Dungy was a successful American football player and coach. Now retired he has written a book on Quiet Strength: The Principles, Practices and Priorities of a Winning Life (Dungy, 2008) which has received wide acclaim; it was the first NFL book to reach No. 1. In the New York Times Best Seller list. Tony Dungy has proven an inspiration for many people. He won the Super Bowl XLI, the first time the Super Bowl was won by an African American coach.
Another sportsman who demonstrated quiet strength is Barry Sanders, who played in the NFL for the Detroit Lions. Disdainful of celebration following a touchdown, he earned a reputation as Clark Kent and Superman; a quiet introverted type with a huge talent.
Quiet Strength in the Movies
We have mentioned already actors such as Gary Cooper and John Wayne who demonstrated quiet strength, but there are many more we can add to this list. One who should be mentioned is Bruce Lee who said that “Showing off is the fool’s idea of glory”. Russel Crowe is another example as are Meryl Streep, Gwyneth Paltrow, ◾Harrison Ford and the director Alfred Hitchcock.
Quiet Strength in Politics
The British Prime Minister John Major demonstrated quiet strength, though at the time not too many people recognised it. As we said already, introverts can come over as weak, and unfortunately many people saw only that side of him. You could also argue that David Cameron has quiet strength, but perhaps that is a little too controversial.
However, there are some politicians who unarguably have quiet strength in abundance. The late Nelson Mandela had what would appear to be infinite quiet strength, as has Aung San Suu Kyi. Both of these people demonstrated huge resilience in the most testing of situations, eventually being able to bounce right back and in doing so change the world.
Can you develop quiet strength?
These are just a few well known individuals who demonstrate or in their lives have demonstrated quiet strength. Each of them has a quiet demeanour yet is able to cope with adversity and walk the final mile.
But there is no magic bullet; quiet strength is something we have or don’t have. We can work on the downsides, for instance finding ways to cope with our introversion; we can develop mental toughness, and willpower that mean we never give up. It is unlikely that any of the people we have mentioned here didn’t have to work on it; it isn’t about changing your personality, but it about making the most of your strengths and working on dealing with your weaknesses.
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References
Dungy, T. (2008). Quiet Strength: The Principles, Practices, and Priorities of a Winning Life .
Kahnweiler, J. B. (2009). The Introverted Leader.
Waymont, H. A., Bauer, J. J., & Sylaska, K. (2015). The Quiet Ego Scale: Measuring the Compassionate Self-Identity. Journal of Happiness Studies, 999-1033.
